Exhale

So i've forgiven her. i contemplated and analyzed but intruth the grudge was getting me nowhere. the forgiveness won't either but to hold on so selfishly was dragging me down. the feelings of strife and hatered slowly dissapated. they are not replaced or summoned with - just gone.
i read bits of her blog just to make sure.... it wasn't hard and now i am sure it was real. i felt no reason to explian the lies away or make a new impression. i actually connected with her. the things she felt and struggles. so that's that nothing will change except my attitude when she is mentioned.

to other things -

i laid in my bed unable to sleep last night reconcilled only by a book and my sleepy kitty, winslow. he is the best bed companion, snuggled nest to me on the bed his purr drops to silently breathing and occasional kitty snore. then suddenly he will stretch his soft paws out until on of them lands on my nose and the other on my chin. then they will drop off and he will wake up and curl up at the end of the bed. he is the best cat i could ever had... he is a poeple kittty to defualt but he's not one of those needy annoying type. he knows he's adorable and uses his vices to get a little lovin'

tonight is my debut and i am more than excited. davis is taking me out, i will dress up and be bueatiful and he my handsome soulful man will make the evening. i haven't been out in two weeks except to the doctor and to eat on v-day... but then agian when you have mono and can't breathe nor sleep there isn't much you can do.