onward i suppose

Ha! I guess i thought about it to much since then. The weather is nicer today brisk and sunny. I think my mind is nicer. It accomplishes so much to write. Anyways all these projects I've been meaning to work on. I wish my hands were nimble to crochet a million things at once with bright colors. I wish i could make caps for babes in a second like my greatgrandmother did. There wasn't much other connection there. I loved to play dressup with my dolls and I would go into her room and ask for a shoe or dress for my barbie and half a minute later she would say "is this the right size?" while still whipping up the bodice or the sole. Maybe she learned mostly from it beong a hobby, I doubt it, she crocheted all sorts of sweaters and blankets for her family - it was neccessity. But really I'll never know she suffered a severe stroke in her early 80's. She lay there unable move fluidly... it was the saddest. Her death was the split of a family.
Perhaps in my time I will learn to create magnificent pieces for those I love, until then i'll struggle to make a simple cloth with awkward fingers.

It was amazing, almost just like that. All of sudden and then ever so slowly. I wish someone would smack so i could feel something before someone else could. Is it enough? Right now I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. Oh blasted weather!! Oh the blasted bitched. It's bigginning to feel ike a crappy winter although in the start i was told i looked cute bundled down deep in thick clothes. It felt like a big hug now it' just feels smothering. Here it comes - the looks that are missed, the hands that drop without being held, the lips that are dry and not noticed. Let it stop - the winter is cold enough.