Camp...

So today I meanderd to b-wood's site and found myself at the camp pictures from this summer
so a list is most appropriate on why i miss camp:

Being outside ALL the time

Putting on a scarf and yelling at the children "it's so cold!"

swimming in the lake so many times your hair feels like seaweed

impending injuries - lightening stikes, cut feet, broken arms, insect calvery, broken windshields, strep throat

chasing armidillos at night

alex's many uses of the deer head

growing up

trying not to be to distracted by the chandler staff

girl staff and booby tag

worship time

enema's

feeling helpless in the best way possible

feeling helpful in the worst way possible

being asked hard questions by kids

being asked annoying questions by kids

Coach T., F.,D.

laying out on the ground looking up at the untainted sky and hearing a camper excliam "god is really big then?!"

eating beyers mint chocolat chip with a fork

sharing everything

giving all to campers

deep talks LATE in the night

not showering

fried chicken night- and dressing up even if it wasn't

mix - matched relationships

trying to get out of the bubble in to reality

debreifing at the mexican resturante

driving on top of jessica's car with hem blasting

it almost made me cry, those pictures. so many weeks there, so many labor on. i will miss it so this summer!!

Opening my Mind

This morning was nice. i picked my sister up from work and went to hear the missionaries talk that she had stayed with while she was in peru. their ministry is amazing. they have so many oppertuniteis in peru- teens, unwed mothers, moblie bilbe teaching. the missionarries adn poeple there see so many needs and they try to fill them and are stretching themselves to the limit. oh the faithful! they are willing to work 24/7 at the expense of thier health and sometimes thier families. i wonder often if i am one. i feel so selfish most of the time. the church i attend does not give it's memebers millions of opertunites to rush in and serve. there is a void ... a void for the poeple of the church to look and realize people in need of serving. to open their homes to those in need. all my motives are tainted i've come to see again and again. today at the church the pastor preached on grace. he stated how we often misunderstand it. we give gifts in hopes the favor be returned, we do things for our friends, boyfriends, families in hopes that we would get a little lovin in return. but grace is a GIFT. awkward to recieve, but in god's love for us while we didn't even give a damn he gave us grace.

This time I'm sure!

Slowly ever so slowly i am healing. i thank the Lord for this bueatiful raining day that i can exsist in. i miss life although selfishly i love my own time. i have not thought grander or harder about issues in a long time. i have reconciled differences, build a stonger web of conviction, and planned till i refuse.

last night was lovely... we wnet to an italian resturant and sat to close to the piano and accordian while they accompied us with among other lovely things... the Grease medly. we had to lean so close together our heads almost touched. we talked of many things of colors and early memories, the thoughts of each other that draws us together. he is practical. and i love that, every minuete of his problem solving. in his bueatiful low voice offering advice.

last night i dreamed in the most vivid autumn colors and the skies were from the 17th century.

i am trying to have the best posssible attitude about work. to have patience and perserverence. it's quite hard when the conversations - or the being talked to - is the same. rachel put up with it better. i'm not married and have zero children so maybe i will talke about my cat or my latest painting... no wait she can top that to. God give me wisdom!

Exhale

So i've forgiven her. i contemplated and analyzed but intruth the grudge was getting me nowhere. the forgiveness won't either but to hold on so selfishly was dragging me down. the feelings of strife and hatered slowly dissapated. they are not replaced or summoned with - just gone.
i read bits of her blog just to make sure.... it wasn't hard and now i am sure it was real. i felt no reason to explian the lies away or make a new impression. i actually connected with her. the things she felt and struggles. so that's that nothing will change except my attitude when she is mentioned.

to other things -

i laid in my bed unable to sleep last night reconcilled only by a book and my sleepy kitty, winslow. he is the best bed companion, snuggled nest to me on the bed his purr drops to silently breathing and occasional kitty snore. then suddenly he will stretch his soft paws out until on of them lands on my nose and the other on my chin. then they will drop off and he will wake up and curl up at the end of the bed. he is the best cat i could ever had... he is a poeple kittty to defualt but he's not one of those needy annoying type. he knows he's adorable and uses his vices to get a little lovin'

tonight is my debut and i am more than excited. davis is taking me out, i will dress up and be bueatiful and he my handsome soulful man will make the evening. i haven't been out in two weeks except to the doctor and to eat on v-day... but then agian when you have mono and can't breathe nor sleep there isn't much you can do.

Sick Wits

Day ummm 12th - 13th of being sick with mono, oh the hieghts and depths. I have caught up on lots of projects I've promised friends and read ALOT. Finished my first for real hat yesterday - that doesn't look like a bonnet! My friend at work makes at least three a day. I am inspired.
on with the books...
I have a better opinion on A Severe Mercy... My man has been reading it to me. We slowly meander through "the good times." He keeps wondering if anything bad willl happen. I tell him not to lose heart. For the most painful journey is the spiritual one. It's the same authour who wrote Stepping Heavenward. A book that was widly popular when I was in 8th grade. He feels and notices more than any other man author I've read. It's promising..

Morning 

Here we are